A Revision: I Need a Man Like a Shrimp Needs a Treadmill!

A close friend just informed me of the most recent and absolutely ludicrous inspiration this administration has agreed to fund. $10 Million to test a hypothesis to see if a shrimp can walk on a treadmill?!! in water!!!! And yes, for the record I voted for G.W.! and have stood behind that vote, until this. WHAT THE FUCK HAS THIS WORLD COME TO?!!!! My only question is, what's in it for the shrimp?! A lifetime buffett of shrimp food (do they even eat caviar?!), exclusive celebrity press and their own reality tv show, their own VIP aqua-limo, designer clothes, or simply the freedom to return to regular shrimp-life and do things with other shrimps?! I need answers, damnit! And this just screams "E! Hollywood Exclusive: The Life of a Shrimp".

I Need A Man Like A Fish Needs A Bicycle

That doesn't mean I don't want one, I just don't need one. And I won't settle for any ole' thing, I'm pretty picky. He doesn't have to be perfect, but at least tolerable to be around. An inflated ego is a fo' sho that he's a no go. Confidence, hell yes, superego, no. And that only calls for me to take out my pin and pop his bubble, if I am somehow affected by it. I mean, we are all great beings, we're just equally great beings, each in our own unique way. One cannot be greater than another, different, yes, greater, no. It's an allusion I am very sensitive to, and just now am finding out how to pull the pin from the pin cushion and level the playing field when it gets uneven.

Population Control

So upon obtaining my new painting, I have felt a new force within me. A force that enables me to come into my power, come into my skin, and come into a horniness that I've never known before. And I have a hunch that when women come into themselves and their power, it is such a turn on for a sexual connection with another being, that in the quest for satiating the eternal desire to feel oneself in their own skin, women get pregnant. Sometimes it's planned, other times it's not. When it's not planned, it can be a pleasant surprise or a significant wrench in the system of their lives. Society is so quick to judge those of us for whom an unwanted pregnancy poses a significant wrench with the most negative of identities, killers. And that's definitely one perspective to use in looking at the situation, but it's still only one, in a million.

Life is precious. So if one decides decides to procreate or decreate a similiar life form, or to simply coexist with the other life forms already here, the preciousness of life is not diminished nor enhanced in the least. It's still precious, regardless of how one chooses to live it.

An added bonus to this truth of mine, is that it's scientifically proven when Newton states in his Universal Law of Matter* that matter can never be created nor destroyed, just change forms. So why do we think that there is an official beginning and end to life, when it's merely a continuous cycle? And we've actually been here before, in past lives in past forms, whether it be in the essence of an ice cube, a fiber in an article of Napolean's clothing, a tree, a rock, a pigment of color in a painting, a piece of rubber on a tire from one of the first automobiles, an ancient emperor from China, a particle of Oxygen in the air, Elvis Presley, or as an ordinary middle class blue collar worker. The bottom line is WE HAVE BEEN HERE BEFORE, IN SOME FORM, AND WE WILL RETURN IN, MOST LIKELY, A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FORM. That's so cool! It's like a guaranteed return trip, eternally guaranteed to be a unique adventure. Isn't that what we are constantly in search of, something different and new?! SO WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE FIGHTING FOR, and constantly judging each other for?! Somebody pass the potato chips, I just want to enjoy this precious existence.

And for the record, if I do ever get pregnant, I will get an abortion.** It is my choice. Every choice has consequences. Every thing in life is a choice.

*10 points for the 5th grade science vocab word retrieval! Mrs. Twyman would be proud to learn that I was actually paying attention after all.

**That's as of today, and today only. And it's anybody's guess as to what I will be inspired to do tomorrow!

Clarification Needed

Even though I will never marry, that doesn't mean I won't ever love with my whole heart nor does it mean I won't have children. I will, just not under a contract.

This 'Til Death Do We Part' Shit

Let's have a little reality check here, People! First of all, the average life span is only until 75. So if a young person, say 25, chooses to say those 3 absolutely feared words, "I love you", in stone to their beloved through the act of marriage and both mutually agree, 'Til Death Do Us Part' they are voluntarily agreeing to live a life in coexistence with this other being. And the reality check is that one, emphasize the one!, person can change a whole hell of a lot in 50 years, so how likely is it to find someone who will not only change in the same ways along with you, but changes happily and without any resistance?! IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!!! And that's why I think marriage is an absolutely pointless institution. At the base level, it is a contract of love, guaranteeing one's feelings to only be directed towards the other one who signed the contract. This guarantee guarantees security to the insecure, and if the guarantee is broken, then justice will be served for such an unlawful act as being human.

The way I can explain relationships is like this, we are attracted to those who inspire us. When the inspiration is gone, it's only natural to look for another source of inspiration. This isn't brain science, earthlings! You don't keep going to the same well when it's dry hoping to find water, when it's dry you look for another well! And so it is.

I also have no fucking clue why some people break out in hives when another they are or have been intimate with shares their feelings in the form of the 3 most feared words on this planet. I. love. you. It's just a feeling, and as we ALL know we each have a gazillion of those every day, and if you don't there is something wrong with you. Hence, feelings are just temporary, not permanent. And that's why 'owning your feelings' with I-statements is so en vogue right now, to help drive in the point that they are always changing.* So perhaps the real present moment meaning of those 3 little words is this, I love the way you make me feel in this moment and this moment only. At least, that's how I see it.

Now that I've officially killed cupid, I'm off to solve other world problems.

Love,
The female Johnny Depp who's not about to fall for the tax cut as a means of sacrificing her freedom to find inspiration wherever the hell she chooses.

(*Even if you've had the same feelings towards your family for the past 10+years, in the grand scheme of life, 10 years is merely a drop in the bucket.)